The Little Things

Long gone are the days when sleeping in was beyond 7:05. They have been replaced by little things. Take for instance this morning. It was still dark outside, due to the time change. I went upstairs to get the kids up, who don’t know about the time change; so they did sleep in a little bit. I walked into the girls’ room and Candice was laying with Samantha in her bed and I can hear them just talking away, you know, girl-talk. Madison is standing beside the bed playing with a doll. Sisters being sisters and just totally loving life.

I walk into the boys’ room and Hudson stands up smiling, as if he has been up for awhile, just waiting for me to come get him. Logan was still asleep when I went in, but heard me getting Hudson up. He roles over and smiles…”Hi, Daddy.” Its the little things.

I start working on the blueberry pancakes and cups of milk for the kids. When I get back upstairs to give the kids their breakfast and turn on Noggin for them, I take a glance outside. It is calm and quiet. I look to my right, towards the East, and what a sunrise. The purples and oranges and yellows and blues that seem to be put there on purpose by some great painter.

My life has been flipped upside down, shaken and stirred, and then thrown in the air. It has been one heckuva ride. Sure, it has had it’s very low points. But the highs…well the highs need more of a focus. This Sunday has helped with that. My kids smile a lot. They sing a lot. And for the most part, they play well together. I so desperately want to be successful at my job. It is not even a competitive thing. I will admit, it is a pride. I want my passion for my job to come through. But if I never make another sale. If I am never given another promotion or bonus or any other resemblance of success, I have still made it.

Here are some little things I have learned to hold onto: My daughters’ little hands in mine, My son being so proud of something that he wants to show his dad, My kids needing me, My whole family anxiously awaiting my arrival from a trip, my wife’s care of me in a million different ways, and the many other ways that each of my family members have shown me that they need me. Because, big person or little person, it is so great to be needed.

Yeah, I guess God does know what He’s doing… 🙂

Friends Know Who They Are

You know, you would have to work pretty hard to go throughout life without making friends. For anyone that knows me personally, I need friends. I need to be around people. I love just sitting around and talking or being competitive and beating a bunch of people at some board game or game of cards.

For my life, if you are a friend I know from growing up in Tennessee/Kentucky or a friend I know from living in Brazil, or maybe I know you from Ouachita or from having lived in Texas for over 6 years…THANK YOU.

Thank you for supporting me and my family. Thank you for always praying for me and my family. Thank you for doing things for me and my family. Through several conversations over the last few days, I realize that many of my friends have helped make me into who I am. Friends have helped me see things through different lenses. Friends have called me for help. And thus, I have called them for help. Friends supported Liz and I before we had even one kid and they supported us after five kids. Friends are people who think they are ordinary but who do extraordinary things. I have lots of those people in my life. And know I know who you are.

Quiet Time

I am a scared person. I am a person that worries more than I should. I have a past full of insecurities that try to creep in my daily life. I have played the “what-if” game with myself millions of times. And yet, with all that I think is against me, I can still find some great things about my life. I’m just really bad at it when everything seems to be falling apart around me.

Today, Liz and I were downstairs talking about the whole school situation for the kids and also trying to figure out our housing situation as well as discussing a lot of the medical issues of our family. I was in the middle of a sentence when I just stopped talking and started listening. Logan was at school and the quads were upstairs playing with a lot of their toys. I heard Madison’s voice…she was saying the entire alphabet. She kind of ran the “L, M, N, O, P” together, but still, very audible. There has been a lot said about Candice and Hudson, regarding their health and growth. But Maddy hasn’t had it easy either. She dealt with extremely poor vision for awhile. Madison Paige has done so well with word formations and sentence structure. I am a very proud papa.

We were cleaning out the office closet earlier. As we moved things around and packed up our books, I found some pictures from about 2 and a half years ago. They were pictures of the quads. I NEVER want to live that time of my life again. It is hard to believe we all made it through that time. (Hopefully it wasn’t as hard as I remember it being.) There was also a picture of Liz, Logan and I before we knew we were having quintuplets. If only there was a way to go back and sit down with that family of three. Country songs speak of simpler times…and though that may be the case…I can’t even comprehend life without my girls and my Tater.

It snowed here today. A lot. I have yet to measure how much fell here at our home, but based on the amount sitting on top of my car, it was surely 2 inches. To step out on the back balcony of our home and to listen to the sleet falling against the rooftops and watching the large snowflakes float to the ground, well frankly, it was needed. I freak out far too often over a lot of different things, but it is nice to have a day like today. To be reminded to chill out. Give things a chance to work out before jumping to the worse-case scenario.

It is quiet in my home tonight. My family is asleep. Again, I got to be the one that tucked my kids in bed tonight. I got to hear from Logan “don’t let the bed bugs bite!” All of the kids had their bears that I brought them from my latest business trip with them in bed.

Tonight, God, I am a stadium of one. Sometimes I hear you loud and clear, God. Other times, I get in the way of what it is you’re trying to do with me. You have slowed things down to help me see that You are still here and are still involved. Thank you for continuing to bless my life, despite myself. Thank you for being God and not my best friend. I may never get you or understand you, Lord, but you know me. Life is hard, but You have for sure made mine worth it. Amen.                                                                                                                                                                                                 

School-bells. Or Not?

There are times in life that you absolutely need others. Maybe you need them to help put in a sprinkler system or help paint a room. Then you may call on a friend or family member to help with childcare. And when situations arise like I have been living for the past three years, you lean on everyone for prayer and moral support.

Right now, Logan goes to school twice a week. The boy comes home from school and amazes me how much he has learned and the knowledge he seems to have on life. It is also an answer to prayer that he is able to attend a Christian school, where he is also learning about God and Jesus and the ultimate love of his Heavenly Father. Now, we would like the same opportunity for the quads.

The quads have been behind developmentally since they arrived. They were born 13 and a half weeks early. And although they have made tremendous strides to “catch up”, they still need further help in gaining an understanding of this world and the One who created it. To do this, it is going to cost our family a lot of money. As most people know, daycare and preschool are costly. Many people pay for one or two or three kids to attend some sort of schooling everyday. We are trying to figure out how to make that work for 5 kids. We would love for Logan to be able to attend school everyday and for the quads to be able to go at least twice a week. If that is able to happen, it will allow for the children, all of them, to continue growing mentally as well as learning how to relate to other kids that they are not related to. Also, Liz will get a much needed break. This will allow her to rest as she continues to live in daily pain, and not to mention, give her the time to take care of laundry and caring for our home, as she is able.

To do all of this, we need help. As of right now, to have Logan in school and the quads out of the house just once a week, we need $7,000. To get Logan in school and the quads into school twice a week, it will cost us $11,000. Obviously this is a lot of money. Money we don’t currently have. Many people continue to inquire how they can be of help and what it is that we need. So many people have helped with meals and with gift cards for diapers and kid-care needs. And thankfully, we are moving to a new stage in life. If you are able to help, we would appreciate it. If not, please pray that there might be someone out there that would be able and willing to help us get our kids into a Christian learning environment. (All gifts should be sent to the Dixon Quads Fund and not to us directly. Information for the fund can be found on Liz’s blog or click the link below.)

Dixon Education Fund

Double-Take

Last night, I expressed all that was going on in my life. I relayed how it all felt like such a burden. It seems easier to notice the stressful side of life. But my days are worth a double-take. I have got to realize that the life I live IS more abundant.

It is Saturday morning. Where in the world are the cartoons? How many people in America have no idea of what is going on in the news and need to be caught up for two hours on Saturday morning? Now, from here, I could get into how things were better years ago and that the world seemed like a better place. (And by the way, not a single presidential candidate is going to make it a better place. That has to begin with each individual. (My motivational thought for the day.))

Although my family is a bit, okay, a lot, different than most families. But we do a lot of the same things. Here’s the scene this morning: mom is asleep (taking the opportunity for much needed rest and recovery); the kids come downstairs for milk and toasted waffles (I figured the half chocolate/half regular would put me in good favor with the kids. Does bribery work at this age?); and now, the kids are playing with talking toys, a dragon that roars, books, and dolls. The house is fairly picked up and the dishwasher is going. It’s Saturday morning.

My kids are playing, the wife is resting, and Sportscenter is looping. I am drinking my NOS and have already eaten a breakfast bowl of eggs, cheese, potatoes, and bacon…with mustard. Perfect! Again, it is easy to focus on the part of life that can drag us down. I may be more guilty of this than anyone. I get so overwhelmed by looking at everything I have to do and take care of. But at least I have things to do and take care of.

Like someone once said,”The grass may be greener on the other side, but someone still has to mow it.”

One Day At A Time or Big Picture

Raw emotions can scare one person while they can be a relief for another. I have enjoyed writing on here and just letting a few people know what it is like to be a dad of 5 kids…all of which are under 4 years old. Tonight, my thoughts are scattered and overwhelming. For this post, I am going to share all of the different areas in my life that have me needing some kind of resolve.

1. Liz is still fighting pains. Before I ever knew Liz, she had been dealing with other health issues. Then, five kids in less than a year…well, you do the math. 10 out of 10 times, I know we would make the same decision to have the kids instead of taking the abortion route. Although, a little heads-up would have been nice.

I never know what to expect anymore with Liz’s health. Fairness has long left my life. There have been countless doctor appointments, numerous medicines and refills, many trips to the emergency room, and seemingly endless nights in hospitals. Prayerfully, her current situation won’t require another surgery. Blood levels, pain levels, and stress levels seem to be in constant flux. What’s next? What needs to be done? What doctor is best? Do we need another opinion? The fear of “what-if” just seems to stay with me all the time.

2. Kids are a handful. And I will admit this. I need help. I will always need help. I get exhausted dealing with the fighting and the meals and bath times and nap times. I am tired of the medicines and breathing treatments and their own doctor appointments. They need to be in a school program at least twice a week. Yeah, explain that one to the family budget. The kids are behind in development. It would be so great for them to be around kids their age. How do you make that work?

3. Work. Out of respect to the company…I’ll leave it at that.

4. God. I will probably never understand God’s purpose for all of this stress. One thing is for sure though, He has answered all my prayers. But not all of them were answered with the answer I was looking for.

 All of these things are normal, run-of-the-mill roles for a husband and dad. Everything just seems magnified because of the number of kids as well as the ongoing toll they have put Liz’s body through. But somewhere, someone for sure has it worse. I just need a break. There was the calm before the storm, the storm blew in…I just think its time for a rainbow.

(Oh, forgot…and trying to sell one house and then buy another.)

So, how do I take ahold of all this at once…one day at a time or by looking at the big picture so things can be planned?

Prep-Post

Come back tonight or sometime over the weekend to know how I am really doing.