More Than Meets The Eye

When you love something, you spend time with it. Whether its a person, a car, a pet, or a Bible…whatever it is, you take time to make that person or thing even better. That’s what God has been doing with me. He’s spending crazy time with me and wanting He and I to be even better.

Over the last 14 days, life has been extremely difficult. I say I am fine or give the quick Christian one-liner that He is in control. But in all reality, this has been a pain in the brain. Yes, people help. There is no one way I have done any of it alone. But what I have done alone, is try to manage it all. I try and arrange this or fix that or make sure that over there is taken care. I am stressed over the severity that is Liz’s current condition. I am worried about the needs of my family. I am concerned with not allowing anyone to do too much. I want control in a world where I feel that I have none…except in one area…

I get to choose how much time I spend with God and how much of my attention to Him. Its the greatest love affair of all time; God with His creation. Tonight, I was standing in line to take care of a bill after work and I looked back over my left shoulder, out over the parking lot, down the road and to the horizon. And there it was, it all its glory…the sunset. The sun was giving the earth a goodnight kiss before going away for awhile.

God has pushed me, pulled me, picked me up by my hair, and held me oh so close to His heart. I feel like I am running drills and He is coaching me on technique. He leads me through a circuit of exercises so that I may one day lead another. I learn to fight, not because its the battle in front of me, but because He is worth the effort. God, my God, is so beautiful. Not because I can see Him to describe Him, but quite the opposite. He is too beautiful to see. Too perfect to imagine. He is too God to fully comprehend. And yet, He talks to me. He makes me laugh. He’ll wrestle me till I tap. My God spends time with me because I am one of His six and a half billion favorite people.

One of His other favorites, Liz,will be having surgery tomorrow. As of right this moment, the time of the surgery has not been confirmed. What I do know is that the doctor will be going in to remove a clot from Liz’s neck and one from her shoulder. He will also be attempting place a new port close to the center of her chest and then remove the one that has caused Liz a lot of these issues. He won’t be messing with the clot on the left side of her neck or the big one taking up her left shoulder. Or trying to remove the one in her right leg.

Liz is exhausted. Tonight is night number 14 in the hospital, during this particular stay. It has been a very rough stay. She has been hurting the entire time. She has had issue after issue concerning food service, medications, nursing staff, blood levels, and surgery days and times.

I really really want to say that we can’t keep doing this. I really want to remind Him of what little battery I have left. But I dare not. I am afraid He will attempt to remind me who is in charge and ow long His battery can last. I am not interested in goating God into some sort of “one-up manship.”

So, I ask for your prayers for tomorrow. Below I will list my askings for tonight, but know this…If voting matters in choosing leaders, how much greater is praying for someone in need? Not looking to be over-dramatic, but for the record, tomorrow is big. One way or the other, tomorrow is a life-changing day for Liz.

1.) Pray that the surgery is successful. Simple. Pray that it resolves the issue(s.)
2.) Pray for steady hands and wise decision-making the doctors and nurses.
3.) Pray for Liz’s well-being before, during and after the surgery. Strength during and after the surgery.
4.) Pray for a speeding recovery.
5.) Pray for the kids as they continue to be flexible and go where dad needs them to go.
6.) Pray for all those that have  in any way helped our family. May God truly bless them and their families.
7.) And most importantly, BEFORE asking for any of those…thank Him with me. Thank God for His willingness to continue to look after those that have sinned against Him. God: the first to hug.

I am exhausted. More so than I have been the last few days. Trying to fight on and make sure everyone has what they need.

“Holy Spirit…hang with me tonight. I ask for rest tonight. I have been overly-sensitive and a butt to deal with. I feel weak and fatigued. Give me time to be who you need me to be. I will never be satisfied running through my own agenda. May you know my face when I come home. And I would like to go ahead and be on the greeting/connections team at the front gate. In Jesus’ name…Amen”

Goodnight…I’ll update when I can tomorrow.

Thank you….I love you.

I really am leaving…bye.

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