Rock, Paper, Nailclippers

Women are stronger than men. And I know their champ, very well. Every year, or wait, every few months, there seems to be a new problem added to the mix of Liz’s medical issues. And now, the one thing that has helped her, is now seriously hurting her. The left side of Liz’s neck is completed blocked off, vein-wise. As of now, the arteries are okay. But, that can still be pain, uncomfortable and downright, well, life-changing. But now, the right side has the same issue, again. Just two weeks ago, the doctor cleared the right side out, and yet, the clot is reforming. Despite being on blood thinners and a clot buster, the clot is still forming. The cause? Her power port in her chest/shoulder area. The port was put there for easier access with Liz’s veins. Her veins are the size of a golden retriever puppy’s new-born fur. But, the vein that is being occluded is the one in which the port is threaded.

So, current status: Liz is in another hospital room, with IV fluids going through her. She has gone through several bags in less than 24 hours. She is also receiving Heparin via her IV as well. She has a more than normal amount of fluid around her heart. The veins on both sides of her neck are blocked off. And is having surgery, as of right now, very early in the morning (Saturday, the 23rd.)

The kids and I went to see her around lunchtime today and she shared with me that last night, her hands and feet went numb. Completely numb. So extremities going numb, dizzy when standing, to weak to walk, a severe headache, and a racing heart…this needs to be dealt with immediately.

I think I am trying my hardest to not realize how serious this is…and failing at it. Have gotten questions throughout the day via text messages asking me how I am doing. What’s the right answer? Because in God, right now, rock solid. I know He has and will provide for, tend to, and love on this family of seven. But as a man, of flesh and blood and no clots, numb. I try to stay task-oriented so as to not focus and center my life around circumstance. I am a man who has been given an opportunity to lean on a God made for leaning on.

Today at lunch, while the kids were making new friends on the playground and living life as they should, I sat at the table alone and watched people. I watched with a different perspective today. I was thinking that not one of them had any idea what had gone on or was going on in my life right now. No one asked. Families, singles, dads with kids, moms with kids, a group of ladies, high school baseball teammates, and 20-somethings passed through…all with so much going on behind the eyes and self-made walls. I pray that today, I become a wall-climber. May God begin working on me to become more compassionate, understanding, and discerning to the needs of others.

I want to tell you a story from today and then I need to sleep…3am is coming. Today, while taking the “scenic route” to the hospital to avoid tolls, I had the radio on. This time, it wasn’t on sports talk or one of the Top 40 stations, but turned it to the local Christian radio station. Several songs had played and I really hadn’t given them much thought as my mind was attempting to wrap itself around the day. All four windows were down and the sunroof was open. The six of us (all five kids and I) were approaching Preston and Plano Parkway in Plano. It was relatively breezy. To my right was a guy in a white t-shirt putting gas into his maroon Acura. To my left was a woman puttin’ a hurtin’ on a cigarette. And then God reminded me how real He was to me at that hour. Right before the light turned green and all the engines of the surrounding roared down to the next light, the breeze died down and I heard a gentle voice. Samantha was in her booster seat, next to the window, over my right shoulder, singing, “I will rise on eagles wings…”. The song ‘I Will Rise’ by Chris Tomlin was playing on the radio. And though they wouldn’t never win a lip-syncing contest, the inside of that car begin to fill with the sound of the other four following Sam’s lead. I never turned my head or looked in the rearview mirror…but I did sit and enjoy God’s voice through the mouths of my children.

Tomorrow, especially in the morning, will be another trying day on this 32 year-old’s heart. I feel the need to be serving at our church. I am burdened with making sure my kids are cared for constantly. I am heavy-hearted with the pain Liz continues to fight through. My heart lays bare and my mind never seems to rest. I am a man with a family, and they are not my own. For those that are leery of a God unseen, check out my family. Coincidence, karma, and law of averages have noting to do with the existence of 6 people with last name Dixon. For family, especially my mother-in-law, can you be anymore of a rockstar?! For friends, I have fallen at your feet countless times…may you never grow weary of our friendship. For a friend I have yet to meet, I pray you know me as more of a man of God than a man of self.

I lay down now to sleep, maybe even to rest. At 4 am, I will drive in the dark to a hospital in preparation to see Liz into and out of surgery. I thank God this isn’t your life…otherwise, I might miss out on watching Him work.


4 Responses to “Rock, Paper, Nailclippers”

  1. diane ellis Says:

    I would like to receive regular updates to my email. Thanks!

  2. charla greenhaw Says:

    Donny, in which hospital is Liz having her surgery?

  3. Steve Boyett Says:

    Donny, praying for Liza, you and the kids from Woodstock GA

  4. Lynda Chinn Says:

    Praying for Liz, you and the little ones. God is listening and I’m praying that His will is for the improvement/cure in Liz’s many health issues and for her to be able to return home to her family and enjoy the daily duties of being wife and mommy.

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