No Do-Overs, Mulligans, or Try Agains

This day got started last night, shortly after 10pm. It began with a phone call. From Liz. One of her first few sentences were, “You need to talk to the doctor while you’re here tomorrow.” Translation? The doctor is about to make some decisions that I/we don’t agree with and we need to talk this out.

Liz is still having constant headaches, plenty of dizziness, and her tongue is still very numb. She continues to have tingling in her face, left shoulder, and left arm. The doctor told her yesterday that she is for sure completely blocked on the left side. So much so, that all the blood going to and from her brain is only traveling on the right side of her neck. Ok, what? She is getting only half the amount of blood to her brain as normal?

The problem with the doctor is, and semi-understandably, he wants to send her home. In her current condition, he wants to send her home. He is suggesting that she comes home and in a few weeks, returns so that he is able to perform the surgery to relieve the left side of her body. So, insurance stops in a week, due to change in jobs. Liz is having a lot of the same symptoms she was showing for a couple of weeks before she had a stroke three and a half years ago. Five kids, sick wife, job change, called to serve others and now, on Logan’s birthday, I will be talking with the doctor about his so-called plan for making sure the worst doesn’t come to past. Tupac’s ‘Me Against The World’ comes to mind. (I say that with a smile on my face as many roll their eyes. LOL!)

I have mulled this over a lot of the night. I guess I have some questions that have to be answered before I can help decide on a direction. I feel fidgety. A little restless. Trying to figure it all out. Because in the end, one way or the other, this is going to be an impactful decision on Liz’s life.

But alas, it is not my mind nor heart that will be making the call. This is a God-size call. A Godly leader don’t leave God out. When the tough calls have to be made, whose my go-to? Just solid friends? Or just family? Or do I beseech God Himself, the Great I Am, to lead, guide, and direct this whole situation? If God were a wrestler, it would take hours to introduce Him and His names. If God were receiving an award, it would take days to list His accolades. And when asked to give a speech, His eyes, as they lock into your’s, would whisper “Love,” and He would take His seat.

I pray for discernment in the decision-making. I pray for clarity in the answers given. I pray for understanding in asking the tough questions. I pray for boldness when it comes to follow God’s path. I pray for patience for the doctor. I pray for success in the outcome. God is never bothered, annoyed, or tired of our calling out. He is never more loved than when invited to participate in a day.

But, despite, giving it to Him in prayer…here I am. Stressing. Wondering. I am here for the kids, trying to shield their days from what is going on. No amount of Mountain  Dew, energy drinks, or No-Dos can help tackle this twisting path. But my path shows footholds. And there’s just enough room for everyone willing to walk with me through these times. Life doesn’t need a buddy system. It is not made for guys like myself to set out on some conquest to crush the weak, control the meek and take hold of the peak. If my life is going to matter; If I am going to have any sense of accomplishment; If the right decisions are going to be made…I have to give it up. Today is going to happen. Today is going to move forward. I can keep up or lay down and be run over.

Do you sense the battle? Can you hear the struggle? It’s not about me, but it IS on me. Time to lead…

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