Kevlar Isn’t Enough

Birds were made with the ability to fly. Often times, it is said that birds were made to fly. I was made to worship. But, I was made with the ability to choose. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are only visible when chosen to be shown. The last few days have been roller coasters of circumstances versus attitude. I don’t always feel like I am worth fighting for, but based on the battle between self and God, He makes it blatantly obvious that He wants me on His team. I’ll never have to fight for my position or concern myself with playing time. But on a daily basis, I have to decide whether I am sabotaging His efforts or surrendering the pride and be willing to choke down some humble pie.

Blessed by individuals and blessed by our church. There are times when making a need known is less about your lack of something as much as it is about someone else getting the opportunity to be used in blessing another…(pausing here as I blow dry the girls’ hair and do dinner.)…(Back)…Isn’t amazing how people from our past can sometimes recross our paths, and at the time when we could use their help. Are you the one doing the crossing or the one signaling to the passersby that you need their help.

Today, I was sitting at the table with Candice, Logan, Madison, and Hudson. (Samantha was the only one that didn’t have any homework.) We were attempting to get homework done; the key word being attempting. Eventually, we just stopped. Not because they got their work done, but because they had no clue as to what they were doing, even after we discussed the instructions. The biggest reason? Candice and Madison couldn’t count or recognize the numbers as written numbers. Instead of circling one number that corresponded with the number of items in each row, they would circle all of them. They did this three times in a row, AFTER I explained to them the exercise. Hudson didn’t get anywhere with his fire drawing homework.

I want my kids to catch up. I want them to be cognitively equal to their peers, but they just aren’t there yet. Frustration almost turned to tears because I didn’t know what to do. With three sets of eyes staring back at me blankly, as if to say, “Dad, we know you love us and have spent time trying to help us right now, but we just don’t get it.” For a moment, I felt hopeless…then, it dawned on me, how many times has God tried to explain the instructions to me, and yet, I stare back at Him and say, “Huh?”

Amidst the struggles with the kids this afternoon, when the plane was nose diving in a hurry, I got a bit of a pick-me-up. I got a phone call saying that the drug screen had come back clean (thank goodness those poppy seeds didn’t show up) and the background came back with an all clear (so thankful they didn’t proceed with the frontground check.) I am now officially hired as part of the Asset Protection Team at Target. Gonna be some latttteeeee nights, or is it earrrlllyyy mornings?

Liz remains in the hospital, the kids have had their baths and are finishing their dinner. Tonight is softball night. Friends are hooking me up with some kidcare so that I can go play softball at 9:30. Lately, this has been the only exercise I have been getting during the week. It’s good to get out with the guys, stir up some chatter in the outfield, and beat the team when beat in the finals last year. Today, I spent the day taking care of some important issues. Tonight, I choose to not be alone and choose to fight the urge to be overcome by he who brings me down. The battle rages on and I get to determine the outcome. Will I succumb to selfish patterns or choose to fight no matter the wounds?

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One Response to “Kevlar Isn’t Enough”

  1. “Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, 5 for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. 6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

    7 So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News. 8 God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus.” And with the love of your flesh and blood Dad.

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