2 Samuel 16:12

Tonight, a Friday night, the fifth night, Liz is still in the hospital. They wanted to give her a full twenty-four hours of a regular diet before sending her home. Well, tonight, she has swollen hands and arms. This is not only uncomfortable, but can be painful as well. I know Liz is still in pain. It’s not as bad as it once was, but she is still in pain. The thickness of her blood is thinning out (this is a good thing.)

I don’t know, at this point if Liz will be coming home tomorrow or on Sunday. I don’t know how she will feel when she gets home. I pray that when she is discharged, that the removal of the central line doesn’t lead to any major issues, like it has in the past. I pray that any swelling she is experiencing tonight will diminish. I pray that the pain she is still experiencing will subside quickly. Not only is it time for our family to be whole, but its time for our family to be well. Its time for us to be in a position to serve others, as a family. My prayer is that our circumstances don’t dictate our impact on the lives of others. And not for our gain, but so that others may have the opportunity to experience a living God that shows Himself to be faithful at every minute of every hour of every day.

Today was a day of opposites. First, I dropped the kids off at school and all five kids turned to wave by before entering the building. Typically, only two or three of them do this. Next, I felt very fatigued, but instead of laying and trying to catch up on some rest, I cleaned and picked up around the apartment. Then, I had lunch with a couple of guys that wanted nothing more than to lift me up, encourage me, coach me, and walk with me through this time. It would have been much easier to escape to the busy food court of the mall when I could blend in with the crowd and wouldn’t have to share struggles, fears, and problems.

This afternoon, I got the text from Liz letting me know she would not be coming home tonight. Despite my disappointment and even frustration, I loaded the kids up in the Highlander and the six of us went down to take Liz food and hugs. Just because I didn’t get my way doesn’t mean I have to live out those emotions. After the hospital visit, instead of going home, went and hung out with another friend. Laughing, eating, hanging out…these are things that can be done with a friend as opposed to disappearing into the funk that was potentially waiting for me.

My eyes are heavy. My shoulders are mini-boulders. My lower back is very sore. My legs are weak. My body is revealing itself to be burden with the stress of the world. But I can only imagine where I would be if it weren’t for encouraging words, groceries, meals, costs covered, and hugs. I am not depressed. I am not angry. I am not bitter. And I am not alone.

I am loved. I am lifted up. I am at peace. I have hope. And not because I have done things, said things, or felt differently about things. But rather, I have chosen to take the hand of the God that knows you. The same God that is watching and listening to you right now…the One that sees you cry, the One that is excited with you, the One that knows you are so very tired, the One that heard you singing the other day…that same God is over here tonight, just here with me.

So God, here’s what I’d like to say to you tonight, and then I am off to bed. You made me over thirty-one years ago. How in the world the paths I have been on have led to this, I’ll never know. You have allowed me to fall, yet been the first to pick me up. You took a beating from hell so that I could have tonight with You. As I have gotten frustrated with You, You have been hurt by me. You don’t demand anything of me. But You ask for my everything in love. I’m gonna tell You, it feels like there isn’t that much life tonight. I am not looking for an “A” for effort, but instead, when I turn to face you, to see you standing there with that true sense of mercy, my knee hits the ground as my head drops in humility. Thank You for not giving up on me. Thank You for sparing Liz so many times. Thank you for choices because in that, I learn love. Thank You that the only thing we aborted was the doctor that was pushing us towards it. Thank You making it so that my pride would be under attack. I am at Your mercy and the grace of others. Thank You for not always saying yes or giving us our way. I don’t want to tell You this, but as the leader of this home…if for whatever crazy reason that is unseen by me, You want us to continue going through this pain and struggle, we will take it on. But I will ask that if this is the case, that You would restore my wife and pain me instead. Show whole mercy upon her body and allow me to carry such suffering for our family. Let my wife be the mother she is. May she begin to experience healing and restored health. This is my desire and my prayer…but Your will be done.               Amen.

Goodnight.

Advertisements

2 Responses to “2 Samuel 16:12”

  1. Barbara Balthrop Says:

    Wow, Donny! You are teaching as well as learning on this journey of life. God gave you a big gift in your ability to put into words what you experience, and to share it with others. Thank you Lord for the gift of Donny and Liz and all their little blessings. Amen.

  2. Bethany Cantrell Says:

    Psalm 147:10-11
    “His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the power of human legs; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”

    Donny & Liz, God delights in you. Thank you for being real, being raw, and showing us what it looks like to completely surrender yourselves to God. I pray for you the things you write as you pray to God. And you lead me to seek Him and His Word every time. Oh merciful God I ask for physical healing & renewed strength for this beautiful family.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: