“The Dixon Movie” Review

To be a warrior, you have to fight. Otherwise, you’re just a soldier in training. There’s no need for food or drink if you’re never hungry or thirsty. And what’s the point of loving anything if you first don’t understand its meaning or purpose.

By the same token, why bother with worry, fear, or stress if I’m going to choose to live by faith. Seriously, what’s up with the attitude of choosing to be defeated, beaten-up, or depressed. God isn’t picking on me as if I were His kid brother. He’s not some bully on the playground at recess. Nor is he a “Yes Man.” No. He has a plan. Now, do I have the guts to follow it?

The Dixon family is closing down the third day of this stint in the hospital. And instead of wondering how we made it through another day and freaking out about tomorrow and the day after that, tonight, I am choosing to be thankful and “praiseful.” As I sit here, with my wife 25 miles away in hospital bed, alone, with my 2 boys fast asleep in their room and my 3 girls in their room, safe and sound cause daddy is home, I am choosing to let God grow me, strength me, break me, AND hold me. I have been running on the treadmill long enough, I reckon its time I join the race.

Update on my borrowed people:
Liz is still hurting. Her stomach still hurts. I am not certain if the infection has spread or there are two separate infections, but today’s CT scan revealed significant infection in her bile duct. They are now giving her two different IV antibiotics. The kids and I went by today and she got a chance to talk with them. The kids are beginning to show signs of  missing their mother. Logan hit a classmate in the stomach yesterday. Hudson and Madison cry a lot. Sam is quiet. And Candi is very clingy to me. Though the mother-child relationships have been strained for the last five and a half years due to Liz being so sick, when she is available to them, her impact is so great and meaningful. What an example to imitate! Leaders of the home are often times strengthened by the one following.

Logan is 6 going on 26. Yes, he messes up and does things he isn’t suppose to be doing, but because of his maturity and ability to roll with the punches, my love for that boy gives me a tiny bit of insight on how God sees me. I don’t sit with Logan and discuss finances, stresses, or medical dilemmas having to do with his mother. But, Logan has become a great Godsend. There have been several times where I have thanked God for sending me Logan before the quads. It’s as if He knew what He was doing.

Hudson is becoming more and more a focal point of more and more prayers. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to raise a little boy with so much to overcome. Not real sure what is going on, but for several weeks now, Liz and I have seen a bit of a regression in how he talks, walks, and performs certain normal activities. But you want to know something that is an absolute lesson from God? Hudson loves to dance; even without music. At any moment, he’ll get the Hud-smile and just dance and jump around and laugh a carefree laugh. He dances! A little boy who was born with his brain hemorrhaging at a grade 4. A boy who is always last because of his limp. A boy who can’t clap like a normal person because the muscles in his left arm are so tight that they don’t allow him to turn his left hand. He dances, whether with someone or completely alone. Yeah, its time to get my butt in gear and join my son in dancing, for no other reason than understanding that my 5 year-old little boy has the act of worship down.

Madison is my Precious Moment. She is so smart. Though she can be a drama queen, this little girl, with the laughter of a thousand tickles, lights up my world. Her eyes…its as if she was looking at the blue sky of Heaven right before she left and its the lasting image in her blue eyes. Her heart for others would make Mother Teresa, the good Samaritan, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition so proud. She hugs everyone. She wants to protect everyone. She loves people, and animals, and her toys. She loves playing outside or inside. She loves eating and sleeping. She loves school and church. My Madison just…loves.

Candice…well, hahahahaha…she is still my Princess. And man does she use that status. Often times, I get Logan to help me when doing particular tasks, but when I choose Candi instead, she is beaming with excitement. I run into her all the time because she always behind me or around me. She totally makes me smile and laugh and slow life down a bit. Candice hugs me sometimes as if to say, “Daddy, don’t ever let me go.” Cinderella, Belle, or Jasmine don’t even compare to beauty of life that God used in the making of my daughter.

Samantha is still my hang buddy. Turn a ball cap around backwards and she’s ready to race. Put her in a dress and she’ll still the show. Ask her to help and she always says yes. Give her instructions and she’ll follow them. And if I put her in charge, she smiles when she tells the other kids what to do. (They don’t always take her serious and she starts scolding them. It’s awesomely funny.) My Sam is destined for something impactful. We’re gonna hear from Samantha Dixon.

So, as you can see, I am more blessed than most. I can see the refrigerator from where I am sitting. And on the freezer door is a picture of our family. There we are. In that picture, no one is in the hospital. Sitting there in the grass, we are happy. We’re together. A dad, a mom, two boys and three girls.

Me? I am trying. I am trying to trust in His future for me. I am trying to believe in future blessings, provisions, protections, and a prize-filled ending. I am trying to lead. I am trying to become more involved in the lives of others. I often times talk about wanting more. Its time to let my ideals of more, go. I need to focus on my plate and not what the chef made for others. Last time, around 1:2o in the morning, I woke up and didn’t know where I was. I realized I was at home and in my bed, but for those few seconds, with my heart pounding, I was looking around not recognizing anything. Once I got my bearings, I then realized that I had let stress dominate my life so much that it was affecting my sleep. Tonight, not going to happen.

Not sure right now when Liz will be coming home. Not sure how a couple of things are going to be taken care of. Not sure how this movie of my life will end. But when it does, I want to be able to look back and say that I danced.

1 Samuel 12:16 “Now then, stand still and see this great thing the LORD is about to do before your eyes!”


One Response to ““The Dixon Movie” Review”

  1. Courtney (Ray) Brewer Says:

    I love following the progress of your precious family. Praying for healing for Liz and for strength for you and the kids. You guys are definitely in my thoughts.

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