God’s Whisper is Booming

I think sometimes that if God showed me His plan for my life and family, I would probably try and convince Him to do something a little different. I am fatigued. I am broken to the point that the only way to carry on is by being willing to allow others to walk with me. This may not make sense seeing that I have 5 kids, but I am tired of a quiet home.

It is Tuesday night. The first night of September, 2009. Liz is spending another night in the hospital. This has not been an easy day for her. She is still experiencing a lot of pain. And based on our conversation last night with the vascular surgeon, this pain may go on for months.

Liz talked at length with the doctor of pain management this afternoon. When she does finally come home, Liz will be on some heavy pain-killers that will inhibit her from driving and doing the things that she feels she needs to take care of. The pain she is experiencing, in and of itself, will limit her to very little activity. Coming to this heart-breaking realization today has hurt Liz. The doctors have expressed that she will more than likely have to adjust to the clot being there for awhile and there is a possibility that the clot itself never goes away. Forced lessons of dependency are never easy to swallow or follow.

And for a quick update on the kids: Logan is…he is my best man. This kid has the heart of a true sense of caring, the courage of a warrior, the spirit of an angel, and the love from above. The quads are growing. They are now being stretched as Logan was earlier. They adapt so well to situations that I stress in. At 30 years old, to have 5 kids that are able to handle all that life as already thrown at them…Its as if God whispers in my left ear and says, “See, I really am that good.”

My mother-in-law and I were talking by phone tonight and she made such a great observation. Earlier today, Liz was looking at the whole big picture. She wanted to figure out how we were going to get from point A to point D then to point K and on to point S and so forth. Me? I am just working on getting from point A to point A 1/2. Right now, my big picture freaks me out and I can feel flattened by the weight. But, when I focus on what is in front of me, I feel as if God has given me the tools by which to take care of that particular task. And sometimes, those tools are family and friends around me.

Lately, have been getting that same ole question. “Donny, how are you?” I am back to an infamously familiar place. I am numb. Every day feels very, very full anymore. But I will tell you one thing…except for Liz being in the hospital, I wouldn’t change a thing. Though life is overwhelming at the moment, it is full of a whole bunch of greatness. I think it was yesterday evening that I had one of those epiphany-thingies. The kids and I were coming back from the hospital. We were headed home for dinner and bedtime. The sun had already set and the sky looked like one of Bob Ross’ paintings. I pull up to a red light driving a minivan with a 5 year-old and four 4 year-olds in the back singing “Everlasting God.” (They were so far off key and in the wrong pitch and yet,…let’s just say there wasn’t a dry eye in Heaven.) Anyways, I look out my window and some guy, about my age, pulled up on a Kawasaki Ninja. It was solid black with dark blue lettering. This guy was riding my motorcycle! But God leaned over from the passenger seat and whispered a question to me. He asked, “Donny, would you like to trade with him?”

I know I don’t always say the right thing or act the right way. I know that I don’t eat the right thing and I know I don’t always understand what it is I am suppose to do. I still have so much to learn. I find, on a daily basis, that I am ignorant of what it is God is calling me to do. And the times I do know, I am scared. Saying yes to God apparently demands everything. My wife continues to be laid up in a hospital bed because we said yes to God when He asked us to parent these quadruplets. We have taken major multiple hits in every single area of our lives and if we had it to do over again…the answer would never change.

Tonight, I sit here trying fully not to worry. Less of my own thoughts, fears, concerns, freak outs and more of God’s grace, mercy, understanding, faithfulness, and love. Jeremy Camp’s song “Revive Me” hits home tonight. The words speak my heart.

So, now what? What’s next? Where do I go from here? Oh, that’s right…I go where I am told. I get up in the morning. I get Logan ready for school. I talk to God in the shower. I am thankful for another day, NO MATTER the struggles, challenges, setbacks, or burdens. I kneel at the foot of the cross and thank Him for you…you who pray with me; you who serve Him by caring for my family and I. May our God truly deliver blessings to you for being a blessing to us. I cried more than once at the willingness of others to talk, hug, care for, watch over, and pray with our family.

God, I don’t know what to do. Right now, I am only asking one thing of you; that your PERFECT will/plan be done. You know it scares me to give up that kind of control. Help me to have the strength that Liz has exhibited. Help me to show the willingness to help that Logan shows. Help me to be as warm as Hudson is. Help me to be as caring as Madison is. Help me to be as sweet as Candice is. And God, help me to be the friend that Samantha is. I get to see attributes of You daily in my home. On this day, I am blessed. Thank you, Heavenly Father.

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2 Responses to “God’s Whisper is Booming”

  1. It’s early and quiet. As I checked for any updates and read this the Spirit of the Lord gave me the last verses of Ezekiel 47:10-12 as I read scripture and prayed for Liz, you, our grandchildren, all the family there.

  2. Donnie, I love reading your blogs. You are being such an example to so many of us. I know you are probably getting tired of being an “example.” You just want the simplicities of life for a little while. Wish I had some words of encouragement for you. I love what THE MESSAGE says in Phil. 4:6,7:
    “Don’t fret or worry
    Instead of worrying, pray.
    Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers
    letting God know your concerns.
    Before you know it,
    a sense of God’s wholeness,
    everything coming together for good,
    will come and SETTLE YOU DOWN.
    It’s wonderful what happens
    when Christ displaces worry
    at the center of your life.”

    Praying for you!
    Don & Jana

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