Mama Said There Would Be Days Like This

You know, I crave being around people so much that at night, I like for a T.V. to be on or a movie to be playing most of the night. I used to think that it was because I needed sound to fall asleep to as opposed to complete silence. This week has proved to me that its because I want to sense people around me talking. (How’s that for being transparent?) And I think, sadly, I am afraid of even God’s gentle words. Why? Because it means I am in the middle of some storm or about to be and He’s telling me, “I’m right here, Donny. I’ve always been right here…”

This day started very early; 5:50am. Another morning of waking up tired. Another morning of unsureness. Thanks to Liz’s mom, I was able to make it to the hospital just in time. I walked into the ICU, even though a nurse tried to stop me since visitors weren’t allowed between 6:00am – 8:00am. The surgical nurses were in Liz’s room unhooking everything and about to take her down for this morning’s procedure. What scared me was that Liz was quiet. She didn’t say much to me and only spoke to the nurses when they asked her a question. It caused me to wonder if she was scared of the possible outcome due to Tuesday’s events. I was glad I hadn’t eaten breakfast.

They got started a little early today. And the procedure itself went very smoothly. The stint the doctor had put in place on Tuesday was removed today. And in its place, he made an incision that would allow the stenosis to open up. Now, she has to make the doctor aware in the weeks and months to come if she is feeling the pain returning. This is a sign that the bile duct is narrowing again and the same procedure would need to be replicated. It is basically the same  story that we went through with her colon.

Liz woke up just fine today. In fact, after the procedure was over, the anesthesiologist came to talk to me. He had left to take care of another case on Tuesday and hadn’t talked to me about what had happened. I let him know that I didn’t appreciate the way he handled the situation on Tuesday. And proceeded to explain why I needed to hear from him what happened in person and not over a phone conversation. He apologized and we moved on. He took care of her perfectly today and thus, we had no other issues.

Tonight, Liz is hurting; a lot. She has been sick a couple of times tonight. She has been out of bed a couple of times. The pain she is experiencing is from having an internal body part sliced open. The pain she was having prior to the procedure is gone. And I pray it stays there. She has slept most of the day away. But as of this evening, Liz is still in the hospital. A place where some medical personnel believe they know better how to deal with your loved one than you do. I cannot tell you how sick I am of people not listening to what I have to say. I know Liz. I know my kids. Am I always right about all of them? Heck no, and I’ll be the one at the front of the line to admit it. But come on, I have been there through all those surgeries and procedures that are listed in her file. (Don’t get me started on the stupid gowns we have to wear when in her room because she tested positive for MRSA a year ago.)

This week, my plate has been full. I feel like I am in some eating competition, yet the horn never sounds and I am expected to keep eating. But, to carry this analogy further, at least the food is incredible.

As I was cleaning up the kitchen tonight, after cooking spaghetti for the first time in my life, I was listening to the kids talk to each other upstairs. It wasn’t an all out cry, but I did tear up as I thought about who they are becoming. I then hollered up to them and reminded them to say goodnight to one another. Y’all…top three moment of this week for me. Yes, it was a little bit like the Partridge Family, but wow. To hear their “good nights!” and their “I love you”, I was humbled to ask myself, “Am I showing the same love?”

This week has felt like a week-long UFC fight. And I have done a lackluster job at leaning on Him for all my strength. “Donny, I’m still here.” So, to end this post tonight, I am recognizing my sustainer of life. He has answered so many prayers this week. He has provided where I have needed Him. (WOW…right now, I am listening to In Christ Alone by Brian Littell.) Anyways, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. At this point, I am done. No longer can I function under my own regime. It will happen time and time again, but tonight I am broken and it feels so good. I am humbled by the fact that despite my fears, and anxieties and pure selfishness…”I am right beside you, Donny.”

My prayer tonight, as I head to bed, is for you. May God truly bless you and your family for being willing to ask Him to take of me and mine.

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2 Responses to “Mama Said There Would Be Days Like This”

  1. Your prayer was answered, in our case, as, and in the simple fact that it was, uttered. Our family is blessed, while being pressed on all sides. More love, praises and prayers from Portugal for, and because of you, Liz, the kids, your brother and sister-in-law, Liz’s family and on and on…

  2. you’re very david-like in your writing. i appreciate that about your musings.

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