Slow and Low…That is the Tempo

Sometimes, milestones are not big events or the result of a dramatic change. One individual day in your lifetime could be just a blip on the screen in the overall scheme of things. But the ripple effect of that blip could change things forever.

At what point are you suppose to become an expert on many areas of life? At 29, I feel as if I know so little about most things. In these times, I am suppose to make an educated vote for president. I get to decide between a smooth-talking politician, whose view on change is to completely flip the script, and a balding-politician that seems to hold some of the same opinions I do, but that seems fairly out of touch with the young families of today. I am also suppose to become an expert on market trends and economical bailout plans. I need to have a voice on whether or not my government is helping to secure my piece of the pie we call the American dream. I need to put God first and trust that He is going to provide in every area of my life, while my wife continues to get sick over and over and over and over again. Continuing on, I am to be the world’s best dad to the world’s greatest kids. I need to set the example of love and patience and kindness and peace and understanding and humility and discipline and trust. I need to be sure to take an interest in everything they are involved in. Oh, and I need to be sure to give my all at work and to help to not only make as much money as I can for the company’s bottom line, but I need to provide for my family, while serving the client better than anyone else could.

Yes, I get it. I know. What I have just laid out is just life. That is life for most people. Except it’s not all of my life. I did not throw in the fact that I have spent the better part of three and a half years playing nurse for my wife. I mean, when I get off a plane, drive like an idiot to the hospital to see my wife before she goes into surgery and I walk into her pre-op room to find her lying on the bed hardly breathing, I want to throw my Christian witness out the door and beat the crap out of the doctor. And as he looks me in the eye and tells me that he has called x-ray because he may have punctured her lung while trying to get her central line in…what kind of messed of lesson about life is God wanting me to learn from that? What good can I gain from that sort of experience? And then, the other night, I called up to talk to Liz’s nurse and ask a few questions about blood levels and next steps. As I was questioning her on whether or not she was going to talk to the doctor about this or that, she asked me a question. I am not kidding; this is what she asked me. “Sir, are you a doctor?” You know, with that sarcastic tone of “you have no idea what you’re talking about, let me handle this.”

And then my life is not the same as other 29 year-old dads because of times like this morning. I finally rolled out of bed at 7:19. While still half-asleep, I made my way up the stairs and to the kids’ rooms. I noticed that the girls’ light was on, so I went in there first. Samantha and Candice were laying in their beds awake and Madison was sitting in between the two beds. The three of them were talking, as if they were catching up on the latest school gossip and comparing fashion tips. Their perfect smiles let me know that dear ole dad wasn’t interrupting their girl time. Like the dew seems to hug each blade of grass, there is something so incredible about the hugs and kisses from three angels in the mornings. God had fun making these three little girls.

Then, I walked back down the hallway to the boys’ room. Due to the pennants that are on the walls in their room, this is my favorite room in the house. I am proud of their collection. Anyways, I opened the door and found the two of them sitting side-by-side in the floor. Logan is singing little songs about letters and sounds that he has learned in school. Hudson is playing with his group of teddy bears and other stuffed animals. The house was quiet. Mommy was asleep, resting and recovering. There were no cars passing by outside. The sun was rising and beginning to warm this part of the world. On this Saturday morning, life was being kept on the down-low.

I have folded up this morning’s picture of life and put it in the back-pocket of my heart. I have to. I have to keep track of moments like these for those continuous head-on collisions my life keeps taking on with life itself. We all are guilty of getting so caught up in the rat race. Our time and money is being pulled at more now than ever before. Expectations are higher, while exceptions are lower. I hate so much of life. There is a list of things I want to discuss with God, but never will. By the time I get some face-time with Him, I won’t care. But here’s a piece of advice that can be given to optimist and pessimist alike. Doing anything but loving life is a waste. I am the biggest hurdle to myself in accomplishing such love. But, it is still worth trying to get better at.