Donny Dixon 6.0

Hi. I am Donny. No, my name is not Donald; it is Donny. I am the husband of a 5’2″ giant of strength, love, patience, understanding, and faith. I am the father of two boys and three girls. I am 29. And I continue to need to be disassembled and rebuilt.

I recognize that I am a weak human being. This whole week, I have spent each night alone in my home. My wife and mother-in-law gave me a mini-Spring Break. They kept all five kids at my in-laws’ home for several days. Though, events have occurred this week that have made being apart from them very difficult, this time alone has also granted me time to reevaluate myself. And what I have come to realize is that I have not been fair to my family.

With Liz not being able to be at full strength due to on-going pain and numbness, I have been spending a lot of time with the kids, making sure their every need is taken care of. Though that is a cherished role because I get to be with my children daily, it can also be overly-exhausting and super frustrating. At times, I am dad. At other times, I am mom. And when I force either role, everyone suffers. I have allowed myself to be easily-frustrated and irritated and overwhelmed. I am going to change. I refuse to live my life this way and not taking advantage of a life that is awesomely-blessed. Often times, when someone hears how many children we have, they laugh in our faces and say something along the line of “ha, better you than me.” And they are exactly right. God has entrusted us with a family that I cannot take care of on my own. God never gave me this family to take care of on my own. He wants to be a part of it all. I have spent so much time trying to do everything on my own, that I tend to forget the God of the universe. I have got to stop doing that. I am too weak to do it alone.

My life changes on a daily basis. God is right. Each individual day has its own problems. One day it may be a medical issue and the next it may be a house issue while the next may be a work-related problem. Much of my life is just like your life and many others…it is just magnified because I have five children, all under the age of 4. Daddy Daycare is starting to seem like a better idea everyday. What’s a few more kids?!

I feel good again. I have my family back home with me. I sure did need a few days break. Those few days changed me. Wait, no, they didn’t change me. They gave me a chance to realize who I had become. Not a pretty sight. I am grateful for the opportunity to see that person and have the chance to change.

I want Liz to feel better. I want Logan to never have another seizure. (Be on the look-out for an update from Liz in the next few days on what happened to Logan.) I want Hudson to be able to run like a normal little boy. I want Candice to be able to talk like a normal little girl. I want Madison to be able to see like a normal little girl. I want Sam to have everything she needs. I want to be that father that my kids know is their dad and not just head of the household. I continue to struggle with what the roles of a real husband and a real father are to be today. One thing is for sure. As soon as I think I have gotten there, I have gotten nowhere. I am sort of like Windows…each new version has a whole new set of problems.

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2 Responses to “Donny Dixon 6.0”

  1. NanaPops Says:

    Bill Gates (Windows) will never come close to designing anything as incredible as you, Liz, your family and your story. God points that out pretty clearly to Job, in chapter 38 and following as He asks Job all those Creator questions. Then he rebukes those wise and discerning “friends” of Job due to all their condemnations and accusations, and then has Job intercede “for them” after their offerings of repentance/penance in order for Him not to deal with them according to their folly. That doesn’t mean no one should ever accept counsel. But you two will always be the ones who have to pray the final prayer, discern, decide and act.
    Love, prayers and tears,

    MomDad

  2. I have just found your wife’s blog and also yours. I am amazed at your faithfulness. We all stumble and lose sight of what the real goal in our life is/should be. God is in control and we as humans forget that. We can get so caught up in our daily lives and surviving that we tend to lose track of what is really important. We all stumble now an then. The important thing is that we know we are stumbling and we have the chance to be forgiven and put God back in control.

    I will pray for your family.
    Kim

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