My Saturdays Aren’t What They Used To Be

It is as if George Strait read my mind today. I am sitting here on my couch at 8:46 pm on a Saturday night and I know that “I Saw God Today”. (If you haven’t ever heard that song, please find it somewhere and just listen to the words. Even if you have happened on my blog and aren’t a Christian, just reflect on your own life as the words are sang.)

Today was another typical day that is becoming the rule and no longer the exception. I still have a wife that needs rest, medicine, a large amount of fluids, and food. I still have five children that want everything they can’t have and more of what they do have. We are still trying to sell our home. I have work that still needs to be done. The point of me stating the obvious? Because the last 24 hours as just been piled on. First, our air conditioning has gone out. Like a friend noted, at least it isn’t blazing hot outside. With the way the last several years have gone; yes, things could be much worse. And like my dad told me, I need to claim the blessings that have been bestowed upon my family and I.

Yesterday, before I had found the problem to why our power was out, we sat as a family in the living room watching Veggie Tales, while waiting for the electric company to show up. Thanks to my father-in-law, I didn’t have to wait on an electrician to come figure out what was wrong. Anyways, watching my kid’s faces as they interacted with the DVD and each other, I closed my eyes and just took a moment to breathe. They can be such a blast. Watching them learn about life and just interacting with one another is much fun. (They barely weighed four Coke cans when they were born.)

As a fault, I allow things to build up over time and don’t do a good job of letting things roll off of my back. I so desperately wanted to be a better dad. I want my children to grow up and truly know that Dad’s love is not only real and true, but that it is also a reflection of the love their Maker has for them. When I allow the stresses that I deal with on a daily basis to build up inside, I scare myself that they don’t see or feel that warm love that they deserve. My Saturdays aren’t what they used to be because they are no longer and never ever will be about me. And that is only talking about the five greatest children on planet Earth.

…if you only knew the strength of a woman named Liz. I get so worked up over so many things and again, by fault, have gotten so accustomed to “trying to do it all” that I can get too involved in the day that I have overlooked my own wife. Sad, right? I will never be the world’s best husband. The fuse can run way too short when trying to tackle what feels like the world. It is a reason, but by far, it is not an excuse. My Saturdays aren’t what they used to be because I am learning to put my wife first. Yes, we have been married 5 years and I can be a slow learner.

Is it normal to become a crier as you get older or do I need a pill? LOL! I have cried more in the last year than I think I have my whole life. Between painting rooms and keeping the house looking as well as it can, trying to make sure Liz gets her rest, food that she needs, and takes all the medicines when she needs to and keeping the kids happy; it has worn on me. But you know something, the alternative doesn’t seem like much fun. Tonight, I was putting the kids down to bed and I gave each kid their time with dad. I sat on each of the girls’ beds and just…well, I saw God today. I will never say it enough, if you ever get a chance to have a quiet moment with Hudson and tickle him or even just talk to him, when he smiles back at you…if you listen close, even the angels laugh at that laugh and smile of his. Then there is my first born. That boy…it is as if I am looking into the water of the pond of the past. (Can you sow sarcasm? ‘Cause I am sooooo about to reap a wheel-barrel full.)

I don’t always like the hand I have been dealt. I don’t think it is fair or just. But I will tell you this; my life is worth it. I don’t always believe that when I tell it to myself, but I know that down deep, I don’t want to miss a second of all of this. I am growing. I keep getting beat down over and over again. You know, I do try to fight back, just to be knocked down.

On days like today and days I have had this week, I continued to need little moments that force me to chill for a bit and take a step back as oppose to always trying to take steps forward. I love night skies that are star-filled. I love it when I step around the corner of the house and get hit in the face with a breeze of fresh air. And I love moments of coloring that Liz and I can spend with Logan.

It is 9:26 and I have yet to eat dinner. I needed to shower and get all that was in my heart down, after I got the kids in bed. Have a good night, World. Love life now…there will be times to hate later.

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One Response to “My Saturdays Aren’t What They Used To Be”

  1. NanaPops Says:

    I still remember how awed and honored the two of you were that the Lord would see fit to bless and entrust to you, quadruplets, along with Logan. You two have, and continue to, honor, glorify and witness to the Lord through it all. The Lord knows and, of course, He is Lord, chose well.

    We pray to Him continued strength, healing, joy and peace.

    MomDad

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