Quiet Time

I am a scared person. I am a person that worries more than I should. I have a past full of insecurities that try to creep in my daily life. I have played the “what-if” game with myself millions of times. And yet, with all that I think is against me, I can still find some great things about my life. I’m just really bad at it when everything seems to be falling apart around me.

Today, Liz and I were downstairs talking about the whole school situation for the kids and also trying to figure out our housing situation as well as discussing a lot of the medical issues of our family. I was in the middle of a sentence when I just stopped talking and started listening. Logan was at school and the quads were upstairs playing with a lot of their toys. I heard Madison’s voice…she was saying the entire alphabet. She kind of ran the “L, M, N, O, P” together, but still, very audible. There has been a lot said about Candice and Hudson, regarding their health and growth. But Maddy hasn’t had it easy either. She dealt with extremely poor vision for awhile. Madison Paige has done so well with word formations and sentence structure. I am a very proud papa.

We were cleaning out the office closet earlier. As we moved things around and packed up our books, I found some pictures from about 2 and a half years ago. They were pictures of the quads. I NEVER want to live that time of my life again. It is hard to believe we all made it through that time. (Hopefully it wasn’t as hard as I remember it being.) There was also a picture of Liz, Logan and I before we knew we were having quintuplets. If only there was a way to go back and sit down with that family of three. Country songs speak of simpler times…and though that may be the case…I can’t even comprehend life without my girls and my Tater.

It snowed here today. A lot. I have yet to measure how much fell here at our home, but based on the amount sitting on top of my car, it was surely 2 inches. To step out on the back balcony of our home and to listen to the sleet falling against the rooftops and watching the large snowflakes float to the ground, well frankly, it was needed. I freak out far too often over a lot of different things, but it is nice to have a day like today. To be reminded to chill out. Give things a chance to work out before jumping to the worse-case scenario.

It is quiet in my home tonight. My family is asleep. Again, I got to be the one that tucked my kids in bed tonight. I got to hear from Logan “don’t let the bed bugs bite!” All of the kids had their bears that I brought them from my latest business trip with them in bed.

Tonight, God, I am a stadium of one. Sometimes I hear you loud and clear, God. Other times, I get in the way of what it is you’re trying to do with me. You have slowed things down to help me see that You are still here and are still involved. Thank you for continuing to bless my life, despite myself. Thank you for being God and not my best friend. I may never get you or understand you, Lord, but you know me. Life is hard, but You have for sure made mine worth it. Amen.                                                                                                                                                                                                 

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One Response to “Quiet Time”

  1. NanaPops Says:

    You, Liz and the kids illustrate specific scripture passages and teachings for me pretty much daily. Some words of Jesus come to mind from reading your blog, such as:
    “Come”, “burdened”, “rest”, “yoke”, “learn”, “gentle”, “humble”,
    “heart”, “rest”, “souls”, “yoke”, “easy”, “light”, “prayer”, “thanks” and “praise”. Many others have been and continue to be illustrated by your lives and experiences in both difficult and amazing ways. Keep on… w/ Love & Prayers. MomDad

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