Stretch Marks

It was a dark night. Due to the rainstorm that was blowing through, it felt a bit darker than normal. The windshield wipers were doing their very best to keep the water collecting on the glass to a minimal. And the streetlights seemed to be casting blurry light. This particular night was proving to be a challenge to get home. I am sure it didn’t help matters much that I was feeling so tired and was fighting off sleep.

This seems to be ridiculously perfect metaphor for my life lately. I know my purpose. I know my destination. And I know the actions that have to be taken between now and then. But I feel I am always fighting the urge to crumble. Sure, I am good for a while. And yeah, you might ask me how I’m doin’, I’m going to tell you I’m fine. I have been warped by certain societal norms like you have.

Ever felt small in God’s ultimate plan? Sometimes, my fragile ego feels like I am just leaving messages on Jesus’ voicemail. I call and call and call and end up just leaving messages. I want answers. But you know something, if Jesus was brazen enough to answer some of my questions of why and when, I’d more than likely be so critical of His answers that I would start questioning His plan. Now for the proverbial kick in the gut. Despite my selfishness, my lack of understanding, hesitation in following…God still chooses to bless my life. The love affair for God described by Matthew West in “You Are Everything” fits where I am right now. I don’t always have to get God. But He’s always got me. When I feel like the Autumn leaf falling to the ground, He is the wind that keeps me afloat. When I am drowning, He is the water engulfing me. And when I am passing through a tunnel, in a valley, at night, He is the sedative for my fear.

Liz can’t breathe fully. All five of my children need me. There is constant upkeep of the house. Work is what allows me to provide for my family. John 15:5 tells us to stay connected to the vine; despite hurricanes, anxiety, or any other sense of being overwhelmed. Love needs a home. God, I plead that you continue to love in me. I don’t drink alcoholic beverages, but I desperately want to be drunk with an attitude of praise and worship and adoration. What on Earth do I have to complain about? No, seriously. My life is full of some serious blessings that I don’t deserve, nor did I even know to ask for them.

In some romantic couples, there can be funny scenes due to awkward pauses. When people are all in love and so lovey dovey, silence is ok. Lately, I find that God’s silence can be incredibly reassuring. Yes, some will say that I am not listening or whatever. Well, my fruit wasn’t made for you. But I will say this, when I get so overwhelmed with life, which can be often, I become emotionally and mentally and physically unavailable to be used. And in that, I am missing out on so much of actual life.

So, moving forward. Hug like you mean it. Love like you need it. And praise cause you want to. These days I am living are flying by and I can’t let another one go by without allowing myself to be transformed. I am a man…a man that has momentary growth spurts. God, thank you for this current valley. It affords me the opportunity to rely solely on You. Water collects in the valley and I have been thirsting for a while…