I Am Unique, Just Like Everyone Else
Earlier this evening, I was driving back home from the hospital. The sun was in its final hour of appearance. In the rear-view mirror, all I could see was darkness approaching. Where as, in front of me, the sunlight was piercing my retina. Even with my sunglasses on, my eyes had the desire to close. With all that has transpired this last week, with Lady GaGa blaring on the radio and with all my many thoughts chasing their own rabbit trails, I got a little lost in life tonight.
As I sit here and try to type out what is going on inside my head, I begin to confuse myself. I am beyond wallowing. I am done with wondering and asking why. Sometimes I wonder if life scares me more than death. The pressures mount on a daily basis. Here’s the kicker about life though. Everyone is going through this. Everyone has things they are working through or dealing with or not dealing with. When everyone is living a life with stresses, pressures, and burdens, is it any wonder there is so much pain?
But by the same token, don’t the thrills in life far outweigh the spills? Today, I was up at the hospital visiting Liz for a few hours. We would carry on a conversation for a few minutes and then she would begin changing the channels on the TV. I’d be watching as each channel passed until she stopped. She didn’t stop because she found a show she wanted to see, but rather because she had fallen asleep on that station. This is a routine I have become accustomed to. Well, on the drive home tonight, I realized that my life was reflected in that scenario. I am so tired much of my life anymore that I ‘fall asleep’ just to later realize I hadn’t moved on.
Someone not too long ago asked me how I was able to make it through such times. They understood that Liz was the one in all the pain and having to go through surgery after surgery. They got the fact that the kids have already been battle-tested in this life. But, they were asking me how I managed to be the head of the family during all these different times when life hits back and hits hard. And the answer is, thankfully, very easy. Ready for this?…”I don’t.” Seriously. Do you really think that I can handle five kids on my own, with my wife in the hospital for three days, trying to learn a new job, attempting to attack the number of medical bills in front of us, traveling a lot, and all the while, attacking selfishness? Thank God that the good in my life far outweighs the bad.
The other day, I was at the Denver airport. There was a snow storm blowing through and so everyone was talking about whether or not we were going to make it out. I began talking to this woman seated behind me at the gate. God came up in our conversation. At some point, I said, “Yeah, well, it all goes back to our purpose for even being here on Earth.” Her response back was, “You know, I often wonder that. What am I doing here?” Went on to find out that her parents are Muslim, but that she really didn’t believe in anything and started trying to bait me into a “philosophical” conversation. She was a bright woman who talked fondly of her family, but yet, seemed to be missing out on some serious love that nothing on this planet can give her. I am thankful for that in my life.
So the night has come. It is another night of Warren Bernhardt (jazz) and peace within the house. Tomorrow, well, it will be another tiring and trying day. In the morning, I will give five baths, dress five kids, give all five breakfast, get showered and dressed and out the door with everyone and to church by 10:30. How do I do it? I don’t. Not alone, anyways. Life around here refuses to slow down, despite surgeries, Hudson’s biting, or my own insecurities. I’ll keep eating my Toasted Corn Doritos and salsa, while downing a bottle of Mountain Dew at 11:00 pm.
Bed time…
March 29, 2009 at 3:47 am
I think that’s what makes life so much more interesting than tv. Instead of us being “in control” w/ a remote, w/life, “You never know what you’re gonna get.” And yet our faith-worldview and related responses to what comes do impact a lot of what comes next, or later, including five kids in 364 days, etc. Your family’s thrills definitely outweigh the spills, even though you all have had plenty of both. I couldn’t help but think of when…
6Jesus used this figure of speech, but they did not understand what he was telling them. 7Therefore Jesus said again, “I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. 8All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. 10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. 11″I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. 13The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. (John 10:6-13)